Shadow-Strand

The Shadow Strand

The shadow is those parts of ourselves that we have split off, rejected, denied, hidden from ourselves, projected onto others, or disowned. These shadow parts operate in our lives outside of our view and cause us to react to people, situations, sensations, or feelings rather than respond. These reactions tend to be habitual—they tend to occur in the same way every time. A good indication that a shadow part has been triggered is if I react strongly, either negatively or positively, to some stimulus.

For example, if I feel irritated when someone asks me to do something or I am attracted to certain individuals, a shadow part has been triggered. A chronic feeling of sadness and depression is sometimes caused by unacknowledged anger. Activities such as business, drinking, shopping, and gambling are often designed to avoid acknowledging and experiencing certain feelings that have been rejected. All of these things can cause problems in our lives when the underlying issue remains hidden from us.

Most shadow parts got formed in childhood as we were trying to explain the world to ourselves and navigate developmental stages. These shadow parts, therefore, are stuck parts that got separated and began to take on a life of their own. For example, I might have gotten the message that I wasn’t good enough as a child. I could overcompensate for my belief by constantly striving to meet higher and higher goals for myself. Under this scenario, I can never let down my striving because it would reconfirm the belief that “I’m not good enough.” No matter how successful the world sees me, I never feel good enough and it will eventually negatively affect my health and my relationships. I could also go in the opposite direction and have my life be a self-fulfilling prophesy by giving up and not trying. The individuals look very different, but the belief is the same.

Untying the knots that hold these shadow parts in place takes some work. People often enter into psychotherapy when they begin to see patterns at work that they cannot understand. They may have been in a series of relationships that all turned out badly or find that certain behaviors are creating problems in their lives. Any pattern that we discover is a rich area for exploring our shadow. These tend to be some of our major hidden areas. Once these knots are untied, our lives get easier and we have more energy for more productive pursuits. The more we work on the shadow elements in our lives, the more we recognize as shadow and we can learn how to quickly move through these elements. This work is a never ending process. We will keep discovering unprocessed elements. As we do, our lives continue to get easier.

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